“Wrong! All of this is totally wrong!” Reimu slapped the most recent print of Bunbunmaru news in front of Aya. The crow tengu shrugged.
“What's so wrong with it? It's all true.”
Reimu was livid. “I did NOT sleep with Marisa! Or Yukari! Or even Suika! Where the hell did you get THAT idea anyway?!”
“Your bedroom.” Aya responded flatly. The fierce slap across her face the next moment was entirely expected, prepared for, and possibly even deserved, despite the paper telling nothing but the truth. The door burst open the next moment, and a familiar black-white stood red-faced at the door.
“W-W-What the hell is this, ze?!” She stomped up next to Reimu and slapped another paper on top of the one the miko had brought. Behind the obviously embarrassed Marisa, was an equally embarrassed looking Alice, who looked as if she didn't know whether to yell, cry, or keep quiet. Aya couldn't blame her, though. She would probably feel the same way if she had done the things they had. “I didn't sleep with that armpit miko, or that stupid doll otaku, or that crazy devil-child, or that anemic shut-in!”
“Hey!” Reimu barked. “Don't openly insult people who you're standing next to!”
The door slammed open yet again. Aya sighed, wondering how much more the poor thing could take before breaking. In walked the scarlet-faced residents of the mansion on the lake. They, too, followed the trend of stomping across the room and slapping a paper on her desk.
Knowledge was the first to start speaking: “I did not sleep with that black-white rat!” She shrieked. “I absolutely did NOT--” she was interrupted by a violent fit of coughing.
“Patchouli-sama, please calm down,” Sakuya sighed as she cleaned the blood leaking through Patchouli's hands with a handkerchief. Remilia sighed.
“You should really keep people's personal lives out of your paper... it might cause you trouble.” Something in the Scarlet Devil's voice unnerved Aya. Maybe it was a hint from Remilia's fate-reading?
“You're the first to not deny anything.” Aya noted.
Remilia giggled in an unusually girlish manner. “It's not like it was any secret in the first place. Isn't that right, Sakuya?”
Sakuya turned a few shades of red darker. “Yes, mistress. But there is one problem I would like to address.”
“Oh?” Aya perked her eyebrow. In the blink of an eye, Sakuya was leaning across Aya's desk with a knife to her throat.
“I. Absolutely. Did. Not. TOUCH. That. Person.” She said, drawing out every last syllable. The door, almost as if on cue, flew open again.
“Onee-sama~!” A girlish voice yelled out. “How could you deny your love for me~?!” A flash, and a thud, and Youmu was on the ground with a knife in her head. “Ahh~!” She fauned, “Onee-sama's love is so harsh, but so worth it~!”
“I don't know what to tell you.” Aya shrugged. “You were drunk.”
Sakuya whirled around. “No amount of alcohol--!”
“Really drunk.” Aya asserted.
“I refuse to--”
“You drank straight from Suika's gourd.”
“...” Sakuya looked shocked. Followed by a look of acceptance, then a look of sorrow and loathing. Without a word, she turned and began to throw knife after knife at the half-ghost on the ground.
“Ah~! Ow~! Oo~! Onee-samaa~!”
“Please stop getting turned on in my office,” Aya sighed.
The complaints kept piling in, until almost every notable face in Gensokyo was crowded and stuffed into her office. Not only was there hardly enough room to move, but the fact was that so many powerful people who may or may not be on the best terms with one another were now bumping into each other, rubbing against each other, and yelling at each other. Ironically, most of them had been in bed with one another, too. Aya was at a loss. There was no escape from the room, now. Maybe she should pray to a God? Suwako was the closest, but how fruitful would that turn out? It would make a good story, at least.
“Dammit, Mokou, stop rubbing my ass!” Kaguya, currently the closest to the desk, screamed out.
“I can't help it, there's no room to move!” A retort came from behind her.
“You damn perverted...!”
“Shut up, you idiot NEET!”
Kaguya whirled around, knocking quite a few items on Aya's desk around. The tengu simply sighed and attempted to rearrange what she could. In front of her, Kaguya and Mokou were staging a face-off, but due to the close proximity, their faces were dangerously close, so close that the tips of their noses were rubbing against each other. Maybe it was how close they were. Maybe it was the heat in the room. Maybe it was the memories of what they were doing the previous night. Maybe it was a mix of all three, but in a moment, Mokou had advanced on a suddenly willing Kaguya, and begun reaching her hands under the princess's garb.
Aya opened her mouth to yell at the two to get a room, but various other cries alerted her to the fact that her office was going to become the room of not only the two in front of her, but seemingly everyone else in her office. Moans flew around as frequently as clothing, and Aya could only watch in a stunned disbelief. Her first reaction was to bury her head in her desk. Her second was to cry. Her third was to scream. But, as she regained her senses, she realized that there was only one proper course of action for a situation like this.
Aya grabbed her camera and let the shutter fly like it never had before.