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And now a few words from the winner of this year's Crow Tengu Newspaper Convention Best Reporter award, Miss Aya Shameimaru.
Shameimaru!! x5,6 Thank you, thank you! Shameimaru! Thank you! Shameimaru!! Thank you. As the announcer was so kind to introduce me, I'm Aya Shamei— Shameimaru!! Um, thank you, but can I speak, please? Shameimaru. Er, as introduced, I'm Aya Shameimaru.
Now, having won this year's best reporter award— SHAMEIMARU! Er, I'd like to take a moment to recognize Gensokyo's— Gensokyo!! Yes, Gensokyo's various inhabitants for their cooperation and say a word of— Word of!! Servant! Izayoi! Er, a word of thanks for their participation. Well, though I say "cooperate", I have to admit I took most of these pictures without permission. Eeehehehehehe! Shameeeimaruuuuuu! HA HA HA, AYA-CHAN Excuse me, but this isn't an interview! You don't have to say anything! Shameimaru.
My humble newspaper, the Bunbunmaru Newspaper, has had its fair share of ups and downs. The one event that has particularly left an impression on me was the in-depth coverage on the Scarlet Devil Mansion's— Remilya! ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT PATCHOULIII!?! Hu Jintao! ... head maid, Sakuya Izayoi, when I headed out for— Hakugyokurou! No, not Hakugyokurou, but somewhere closer to the forest, namely— Eientei! Kirisame-tei! ... Tewi! Tewi. ... Kourindou. Kourin—aaaaaaah ... The reporting pen I used at that time I'd received from the shopkeeper— Nobuyo! Kaguya! NEET! Rinnosuke Morichika, or, rather, had borrowed. Rinno—aaaaah... Loincloth!
Anyway, at that time I went out for— Danmaku!! Deathbomb! Dodging! Graze points! Grazing!! Shopping ... Graze!! Shopping ... Shinra border![1] chk chk chk chk chk chk chk chk chk For a shopping trip. It just so happened that at that moment the head maid was visiting the store, as well as one more person— Rumia! Yua-kyun! Ah, Yua-kyun did sing for me, once.[2] Suppa! No, Suppa is Tenko. Sagat! Sagat, Tiger Uppercut. Wriggle! Wriggle ... well, let's forget about her for now. Miss Shiraiwa! Miss Shiraiwa from where, you idiot?[3] Suppa! Suppa, you must mean Tenko. Fried chicken! Don't call her fried chicken! Don't you feel sorry for her? The Chrysanthemum Gate![4] The Chrysa—you idiot! Yuuka! Marisa! Oh, Marisa! Marisa! Marisa, yes, that's close, Marisa, you're getting warmer!
Suppa! Setsuri! Suppa, you mean Tenko. No, not Tenko. Chen! No, Chen wasn't involved. Hanyaa~n! Hanyaa~n, uh, well, a certain person says that, right?[5] U~ ~ ~ ~ ~ NYUU ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Who the hell is that supposed to be?
Inaba! Inaba Light Tuna?[6] If I could get just one pervy DVD ... Matsumoto! Matsumoto? Don't make me say "U-l-t-ra SOUL~!"[7] Komachi! Komachi is— Yamada! Yamada— Syameimaru has just one pervy DVD ... H-hey, shut up about pervy DVDs! Galandu! Galan—what Alter is that? Yes I do! What Alter is that? Stop talking, you guys. I'll rebel against that pain![8] Hahaha ... Fine, rebel, then! Find me one pervy DVD please. Ten dollars! Ten dollars for what!? COFFEE CHARGE! [9] Coffee charge—what the hell? Coffeee chaaaarrrge! I said be quiet! Listen up, you damned Hourai NEET! I'm not a Hourai doll! Round 'n' bouncy! Round 'n' bou—what are you talking about? Look, they're bouncy! Lay off the bouncy already! Hmm, that adult DVD is definitely— I told you, stop with the pervy DVDs! BENIMARU COLLIDER!!!! ZOOM PUNCH!! What's a Benimaru Collider!? Geez!
Meso-usa! [10] Meso-usa doesn't have anything to do with this! INITIATE SUPER DEATH BLOW!! Super—will you guys shut up already!? Shinkuu Katategoma-ma-ma...[11] No, not a katategoma... Cirno! Geez, you're all a bunch of dummies! This is Gensokyo! Sekken-ya! Sekken-ya ... use your heads, you jerks! Sekken-ya? Sekken-ya.
Eh? Is that it? Anyone else? ... the shrine! Oh, the shrine, yes, the shrine! Which shrine? *whisper Uh, Hakurei! Yes, yes, that's right, yes yes yes yes, Hakurei! Alright, all together now, ready, and— The Hakurei! Yes! Shrine's! Yes! Poor shrine maiden!! Yes, exactly! SHAMEIMARUU!! THIS ISN'T A QUIZ! This isn't a fucking quiz! Shameimaru. It's a speech! Paparazzi! Stop speaking up one by one! You're ruining the mood!
If I could get one pervy DVD with girls in it, oh, I could, oh, yes, pervy DVDs, pervy DVDs are— Will you shut the hell up about your pervy DVDs, dammit! Ooooh, pervy DVDDDDDs! Buuuun buuuuuun maruuuuuuuuuu Boooooooo Hey, are you trying to make fun of me, now?
Uhhh ... reporting is a danmaku battle you stake your life upon. Shameimaru! GRAAAH, will you shut up! Shut up, the lot of you! Haha, someone said something great. Shameimaru is playing tennis over there. It's true that I've won such a prestigious award, but I'm actually very inexperienced. You damn greenhorn! I'm but a humble tengu, yet almost not worthy of the name. Still, I hope you'll all be kind enough to continue your kind support from now on. Shameimaru. Just like that amazing martial artist who wears a Tengu mask: MISTER KARATE!! Yes, perfect! SHAMEIMARUUUUU!!
Shameimaru.
Okay, that's a wrap. Good work! Oh, man ... Yeah, we got a good one this time. No kidding! Boing! Man, I never thought someone would bust out with Benimaru Collider. It's a miracle! Yeah, sure is. What a miracle.
Aya-chan, bring me some tea!
Notes:
- ^ Shinra border or Shinra Kekkai is the Japanese term for Supernatural Border in PCB.
- ^ "Hanya~n" comes from the live version of COOL&CREATE's "Help me Eirin!!", in which "Hanya~n" follows after "Chen! Chen!"
- ^ At the end of the comic version of s-CRY-ed, Kazuma faces Martin Zigmarl and his Alter, Galandu. Towards the end of the battle, Kazuma is severely injured, and Zigmarl asks him, "Doesn't it hurt?" Kazuma replies, "I'll rebel against that pain!"
- ^ Inaba Light Tuna
- ^ Ultra Soul is a B'z song (and B'z is comprised of Inaba and Matsumoto).
- ^ Shiraiwa (白岩) refers to Letty Whiterock. In Japanese, "white" means "白", "rock" means "岩".
- ^ This is a euphemism for a certain part of the anatomy. Think of it as the Japanese equivalent of "the brown star".
- ^ Yua-kyun is Yuakin, the wretch responsible for Yukarin☆Fantasy. It is also a nickname for Yukari. In addition, 秀三 (Shuuzou) who is a member of 石鹸屋 (Sekken-ya), took part in 狐夢想屋's (Komusou-ya's) CD "君は、ゆあキュン。"(You are Yua-kyun.).[12]
- ^ This refers to an event in the manga Baki the Grappler. The main character, Baki, kidnaps the President of the United States, and all he demands in ransom is $10 to pay for two cups of coffee. The "Ten dollars"/"Coffee charge" lines are direct quotes from the President's stunned reaction.
- ^ Mesousa (roughly, "Sobbit", from メソメソ (mesomeso, sobbing) and うさぎ (usagi, rabbit)) is a morose rabbit character from the manga series Pani Poni.
- ^ Shinkuu Katategoma (Hollow One-Handed Spinning Top) is a Benimaru move from the KoF fighting games, as is Benimaru Collider. Zoom Punch is a Dhalsim move from Street Fighter, as well as a move used by Jonathan Joestar in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.
- "U~ ~ ~ ~ ~ NYUU ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~" came from Hina Ichigo's name for strawberry daifuku. She is from the anime Rozen Maiden.
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